The Rapture did not live up to my expectations. In fact, I was turned away upon arrival for arguing that my dog should also be admitted.
"For Christ's sake!" I howled. "What friggin' kind of heaven don't allow no dogs?"
The woman at the reception counter wore a heavily starched white uniform and looked a lot like Nurse Ratched from One Flew...
You may find that these time honored reposts come in handy when confronted with the hostile, the sleazy and/or the patently stupid. For instance:
• Upon being dealt the age card by a snide, narcissistic hipster, as in, "Dude, are you kidding? You're too friggin' old." You must at once assure the pretentious offender, "Actually, I can guarantee that you won't...
Ladies and Gentlemen,
My name is Nova Silverman. I am — or was — a business associate and a close friend of Stephan Michaels'. I am sorry to report that, after enduring many months of public ridicule over his outspoken editorials and finger wagging admonishments, Stephan's battles with his critics and detractors have come to an abrupt end.
...